** The following is a ficitonal letter - an amalgamation of stories I've heard and my own experience as a Sunday School teacher **
Dear Mrs. MacKenzie,
I'm sorry you've had such a tough week.
Considering that your distress came at the hands of my daughter Grace, I felt I should get in touch with you personally, and at least apologize for her.
Grace has always been one of those children who speaks the truth without thinking about it, and for her, Sunday School is one of those places where, in her five-year-old mind, the truth should be spoken even if it can't be spoken anywhere else.
Whether that's her going into specific medical conditions of certain of my family members or friends, or mentioning other quite private details ... you get the idea.
Her mother and I are working with her on this, and trying to teach her that there are appropriate times to keep some things to herself, but she's the epitome of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
That said, I know most parents don't pick up their children from Sunday School expecting to have to confront one of those harsh-reality situations - particularly when we're four months away from even thinking about Santa Claus-related issues.
I hope you realize that I'm not the kind of person who preps my daughter every day by saying "Now, Gracie, if anyone mentions Santa Claus, make sure you walk up to them and say 'He's not real. He's just a game mommies and daddies play with their kids.'"
However, I do believe in telling the truth to my children, even if it means the possibility of creating some awkward "the emperor has no clothes" moments.
I heard from the poor Sunday School teacher that my child and yours got into a verbal altercation, and that Gracie and Teddy had to sit in time-out. Now, I must admit, I chuckled a bit when I realized that her punishment had nothing to do with not paying attention or running over a classmate - and I was prepared to say her punishment was deserved.
However, after hearing of your remarks to the teacher (that nearly put her in tears), I don't believe either child deserved a punishment at all.
Hearing from the teacher that you stormed off with Teddy in tow, muttering that my wife and I somehow intentionally stifle our daughter's imagination riled me even a bit more than your assertion that she needs to exercise more control in her classroom.
Gracie has quite an imagination - she plays fairies, pirates, princesses - you name it, she plays it.
But that's the point. She plays it - she doesn't live it. She knows where fantasy ends and reality begins. She has her special toys, or a blanket, or some prop. When she picks it up, she gets lost in her little world, but when she puts it down, she knows we're back to the here and now, and her playmates go bye bye until next time.
Believe it or not, she plays Santa Claus, too. She loves the idea of a big, happy fat guy stuffing himself down a chimney to give presents to good boys and girls. But she also knows it's not real - and knows that many people go so overboard as to introduce into their kids' reality a person that doesn't exist.
I won't forget when I first told her about Santa Claus, two years ago. Her blue eyes went wide and she said "Daddy, why do mommies and daddies do that? Why do they lie to us kids?"
I didn't have an answer.
And after incidents like this, I can't help but continue to question the practice of convincing a child that this amalgamation of history and imagination exists - in reality, in the flesh.
Days like Sunday just reinforce in my mind that the way Santa Claus is "played" today is completely overboard and serves more to create and invite confrontation than it does to foster imagination.
Some children, faced with the hard truth, simply refuse to believe it, as I'm told Teddy initially did Sunday. He outright denied the truth because he had been convinced by someone he trusted that the truth was, in fact, a lie.
Now, I'm not here to criticize your parenting style - I'm a big fan of Teddy, and I think he'll grow into a wonderful young man.
But though I can apologize for the hurt feelings, I can't apologize for my daughter's actions. She saw someone believing a blatant lie over the truth, and she tried to fix it.
I know Gracie meant no harm to you, and she only wanted to help Teddy realize what she already knew. Santa Claus is a fun thing to play, but he just isn't real.
I appreciate your taking the time to read this, and I hope Teddy's emotional scars won't last long.
Signed: Grace's dad
P.S. - I promise to have a long talk tonight with Grace about not exposing the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
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